I got another form rejection letter today from the staff of an international Christian writing team essentially saying thanks for asking us to review your book but our writers are too busy to read it.
Ouch! Door slammed on another opportunity to promote my first book Defeating Suicide: How one Iraqi vet healed herself thru love, therapy and the Bible.
This month I also had a “Big Fish” (i.e. arguably the biggest Christian media conglomerate on the earth) interested in doing a video testimonial on my life for their international television show.
I was excited until an interviewer called me and spent over an hour going over the timeline of my life and the story of my conversion to Christianity. I did not feel the interview went well, and the interviewer was a little snappy trying to get every fact out of me. Many of the dates and details of my fifty-some years living on earth I simply forgot off the top of my head.
However, I was still hopeful that God was in this interview. I thought this is it. Finally, my book – my baby – will get a decent amount of publicity.
A God-sized story
You see I believe my story is a God-sized story and one that He wants me to tell. Yet to this date, nothing miraculous has happened in the promotion of my book or my civilian writing career as a whole.
To be honest, God has mostly been silent on my mission in life outside of my career in the U.S. Air Force other than the original instruction He gave me more than 10 years ago that my family and I are to be a mouthpiece for Christ.
Pretty vague mission statement, isn’t it?
But I still feel it deep down within my soul. So, I plod on writing and groping around in what feels like darkness to bring about God’s calling in my life.
Can anyone relate to me on that? I doubt I am the only one wondering around trying to please God with their occupation and purpose in life.
Back to the interview with the Big Fish Christian media conglomerate. I was not surprised when a few days later I got a form letter rejection email from the Big Fish’s producers saying blah, blah…my story was inspirational but they have so many to choose from and mine did not make the cut.
Rejection melted into my heart again.
Not one to waste an opportunity, I was bold enough to ask the producer why I was rejected.
I explained that I did not feel I had a great session with the interviewer and that she covered thirty some years of my life. I felt like our interview session was somewhat wasted and scattered.
As a reporter myself, I know you have to tell a story around a certain theme. My interview covered too many topics i.e. infertility, what is what like being a child of an alcoholic, therapy, my book, prescription mental health meds, etc.
Inciting event: my testimony hinged on serving in Iraq in wartime: it was now an OLD story
And, we focused very little amount of time on my testimony, what drew me to Christ in the first place and why I accepted Christ as my savior.
So, I asked if the producers if we could work together to pare down my testimony and focus on what drew me to Christ in the first place – Iraq.
I doubt if I was not obligated by military service to visit a war-torn country (and I had not feared for my life and safety), I ever would have had a felt need to seek out my Creator at that point in my life. Or, I might have waited until I was on my death bed to find Christ.
Because, you can distract yourself for a good long time with just managing to survive through life’s many obstacles. Even happiness can distract you from your purpose on this earth and asking the big questions in life.
Cutting straight to the heart of the matter
Serving in Iraq cut straight to the heart of the matter. War makes you ask the questions that many of us try to avoid.
What is my life about? Who is God? What does any of this mean?
I was proud of finding my faith during a difficult time period that could have destroyed my faith in humanity.
A picture of me standing at the stepped pyramid the ziggurat of Ur in Nasiriyah, Iraq
I remarked to the producer that I do not know too many people who have walked up the stairs of the ziggurat of Ur in Nasiriyah, Iraq where Abram of the Bible was called out of a pagan society by God to become Abraham the father to three nations and religions – Islam, Judaism and Christianity.
It was there at the stepped pyramid that God started to stir my heart to accept Jesus in my life.
I personally think that is interesting enough to warrant a video testimonial on my story, and I still think my testimonial is a big, big story, or at least it is to me.
In response the producers punted my email back to the original interviewer who emailed to apologize to me for not putting me at ease during our interview. She then divulged to me the “real” reason my testimony was not accepted.
This is where it gets good.
Essentially, one, the agency had an internal policy that any testimony where the inciting event that happened over 14 years ago did not qualify to make it to TV.
Iraq was an old war story now, and I was an old warrior.
Heal thy self
Two, my testimony had too many elements to it, and my book claimed I healed myself through love, therapy, and the Bible. The Big Fish said they only share testimonies where God essentially “miraculously” heals people.
Three, she reminded me I had divulged to her that I was currently on a low dose of mental health meds and I had turned to therapy in my past to heal from mental illness.
My story was not God-forward in the way the Big Fish conglomerate wanted.
I guess her point was I did not solely rely on God to heal me and those are the only testimonials worth telling. My story was not a miracle conversion.
Unfortunately, she is not the only Christian I have encountered who believe people who take prescription meds are not healed of their mental illness. Therefore, they have no positive testimony to share.
An outdated mode of Christian thinking
I am surprised she shared all this with me but she did. I guess she thought she was doing me a favor and telling me how the Christian media industry works so I could reword my testimony and make it more palpable to others.
I am sure my response shocked her because she never wrote me back.
I told her I appreciated her taking the time to write me but I found the Big Fish’s policies to be “restrictive, stringent and displayed an outdated mode of Christian thinking.”
And, I still do.
I honestly thought the Big Fish was a little more progressive than that but you will come up against well-meaning Christians who will look you in the eye and tell you that you do not have much faith in God if you feel you need to take prescription medicines to heal or maintain your mental health.
I asked the Big Fish interviewer, would you say that to a cancer patient or someone with Diabetes?
Would you truly tell a patient not to take life saving drugs so God could heal them miraculously? So then why tell it to people who are struggling with their mental wellness?
In mind, God gave man the ability and technology to make prescription drugs and that is a miracle in itself.
God loves you whether you take a pill or not
Friend, I wrote my book because I want people to know God loves you, period. There are no qualifiers to faith.
How we make it through this life with its many struggles does not disqualify us from telling our story. In fact, I think it makes each of our testimonies stronger.
It is ironic to me that the Big Fish has shared many stories on overcoming street drugs and alcohol abuse to find Christ through its television network but one story on a woman who has used prescription drugs and therapy to help heal herself in her past would throw them for a loop.
To be transparent, I have my own issues with mental wellness meds, which I go into detail further in my book.
Mostly, I think they are overused and over-prescribed. Ultimately, I just think they do not work very well or at least not for me. However, some people feel prescription drugs help regulate their body chemistry and those people should keep using them.
There should be no shame in taking medicine to help alleviate symptoms. God does not need us to struggle without taking medicine to prove we are faithful to him. Why some humans do is beyond me.
The problem of searching for happiness thru drugs
But, I have an important caveat for people who use mental wellness drugs.
No drug will help you feel happy or sane enough that you no longer need or require a relationship with your Creator.
At the current time, Big Pharma is pushing these drugs as an alternative to happiness in our society.
I believe happiness only comes from having a relationship with your Creator through the blood sacrifice of Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in your life.
That is where true happiness comes from – not a pill.
The down and dirty truth is pills and therapy only help resolve symptoms. They do not alleviate problems or resolve trauma.
Rejection by other well-meaning Christians
Now back to our earthly reality. If you also have been rejected by other Christians who wrongly believe that taking prescription meds or going to therapy are signs that you are not a true Christian or indwelled by the Holy Spirit, I am sorry.
I am sorry on their behalf because no where in the Bible does it say helping yourself means you lack faith.
God wants us to help ourselves; that’s why he created the Bible
I want people to know they can help themselves. I want people to know God built resiliency into each of our spirits to not only survive or defeat mental illness but so we can overcome and THRIVE despite of it.
I want people to know that God heals people miraculously, yes, but also by the blood of the lamb who conquered all sin and iniquity.
Since Christ died to do this, he handed us (humans) the keys to continue his ministry on this earth in his absence. So that means, healing on this is earth is discoverable, knowable, and attainable for all of His flock.
That is why God commissioned, through the Holy Spirit, this little book that has been a best seller for more than 2,000 years after Christ died. It is called the Bible, and it is full of people’s whose testimonies are complicated and messy. They figured it out, so we do not have to struggle with the same things.
That is why God’s decrees in the Bible are important. They are protective, and they are a powerful spiritual medicine to help you live a triumphant life. I want people to know that these tools are already at their disposal. You don’t need to go to a preacher, doctor or a therapist to use them, even though each can help your progress to defeat mental illness.
That is why my book states I healed myself thru love, therapy, and the Bible.
We can know God’s love. We can learn through therapy (preferably Christian therapy because secular therapy can mess you up more) how to navigate pain and trauma in our lifetime. Most importantly, the Bible teaches us how to get through many of life’s trials.
The Holy Book is the blueprint to having a good life here on earth.
My book headline does not list the trinity in it but does that mean I do not credit God for my healing?
Absolutely not! Nothing could be further from the truth. I am only here on this earth today because of God wooing me back to Him.
Miracle healings
According to the Big Fish’s interview guidelines, my testimony did not make it past the first round of cuts because I was not miraculously healed. My story was too convoluted, complicated and not God-forward.
But really, aren’t most of our stories complicated?
Unlike the Big Fish, I give my audience more credit. I believe people can understand that God works miracles in many ways on earth and in heaven.
His favorite way I believe is working through us – His creation.
So I am thankful to the therapists, and loved ones and friends who have poured into my life and helped me to heal. I am thankful for the technology (mental health meds) that have helped me recover from symptoms of depression like lethargy and sleeplessness, when I needed to give my mind a rest.
Most of all, I am thankful for Christ who paved the way for all our healing in whatever form that takes.
A future sea of rejection letters
So I will continue to strive forward through a sea of rejection letters to be the mouthpiece for Christ that God has called me to be.
Currently, self-publishing books is most expensive hobby I have ever had with very little return on investment (ROI) so far. Self-publishing a book costs about $10K a pop. I have probably recovered less than a $100 of it.
Rejection and waiting on God’s timing sucks really, and there is no way of getting around it.
But I still have high hopes.
Truly if my first book helps a handful of people, I believe it will be a success in God’s eyes.
And, as they say, “Writers write.”
So here is my written testimony on rejection and waiting on God’s timing.
What is yours? Please share your testimony with me in the comments.
You can read an excerpt of my book or buy it at Amazon at
Or purchase it at Barnes Nobles at https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/defeating-suicide-melissa-legates/1144088918
You can watch a short promotional video about my book at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ7s5u5I8no.
To Christ goes all the glory!
Melissa
SET MY CAPTIVES FREE 